Here is a remarkable study in contrast.
Last Thursday, while the Family Policy Council of West Virginia was ushering representatives from Pregnancy Care Centers (PCC) across West Virginia onto the floor of the West Virginia House of Delegates and State Senate, Planned Parenthood was about 1.5 miles uptown protesting the U.S. House of Representatives’ move to defund Planned Parenthood.
Downtown, 134 lawmakers took the time to affirm the life-saving, women’s health-loving, family-supporting work of the thousands of staff and volunteers who support their local PCC (maybe you call them Crisis Pregnancy Centers).
Uptown, supporters of an unfettered abortion industry dodged the rain and the use of the word “abortion” except to point out how mean “anti-abortion” people were and how Planned Parenthood – who performed more than 330,000 abortions in 2009 – does not use Federal Funding to perform abortions (note how they never deny doing them, just not using your tax dollars to do it).
I feel sorry for PP, what with all the scandal and proposed cuts in funding! So, I’m offering them some advice to help them tighten their budgetary belts and, while I’m at it, put a few fallacies to rest. So, here’s what I might tell Planned Parenthood if I were their budget analyst:
First, don’t miss the forest for the trees. You’re still a money-maker, baby. Let’s assume the PP execs are right and you don’t use the $363 million, a subsidy you receive annually, to perform abortions. That leaves $800 million (approximately) leftover for you to be able to provide your self-styled, “life-saving” family planning services. Look, I don’t mean to say that it won’t hurt to lose $363 million of my $1.1 billion annual budget. But, I think I might be able to trim a few things to make it work. Don’t you? But, seriously, you still have $800 million annually! You can assemble a dream team or film the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy – TWICE every year - with that kind of cash!!
Second, sell more product, trim the fat. If, as you tend to argue, you would like to make abortion “safe and rare,” then what’s the problem? This should be a blessing in disguise for you! Less money = abortions are more rare + abortion still legal = you’re happy, right?
But, then again, if I were looking to trim areas of my budget, perhaps I’d start with the most cost-intensive portion: salary for abortionists and anesthesiologists, medical equipment rental, etc. The average cost for an abortion is $468. Multiply that times 330,000, and we’re looking at real money (I’ll do the math for you, it’s: $154,440,000). But, if you insist on performing abortions, ok, do more of them – they just won’t become rare. But, abortion is your product, so sell more. You see, your problem is that business for you is down and you have a whole warehouse full of product that you just can’t move. Well, it’s a bummer for your bottom line, but it’s a wonderful thing for babies.
If you can’t move your product, then do with less. Trim abortions . . . er . . . product sales by half each year, and you have an immediate savings (in the 10-figure range) by simply allowing children to be born. Indocrinate . . . er . . . Teach them correctly and, in about 20 years, they’ll start paying back on your investment.
Plus, I would wager about 1/3 (if not more) of your budget, PP, goes to salaries and facilities. Close down a few abortion mills . . . er . . . clinics, trim Cecile Richards’ $385,163 salary (and, while we’re at it, cut the position of “VP for Contraceptive Enterprise.” What kind of position is that anyway?), and force a pay cut across the board. . . er . . . utilize your legions of volunteers more heavily, and you’re realizing some huge savings.
That doesn’t even begin to touch the sensible earnings you should be making off of the multi-million dollar trusts and other investments they should have made by now. Or, did you leverage your entire stock against increasing the number of abortions? Hmmm. Better get your marketing team on the phone. Sounds like your “safe and rare” message isn’t matching reality in the board room.
About Jeremy Dys
Jeremy Dys is the FPCWV's President and General Counsel. In addition to his duties of providing strategic vision and leadership to the FPCWV, Dys is the chief lobbyist and spokesman. Dys is regularly featured in local, state, and national print, radio, and television outlets. He lives close to Charleston with his wife and growing family.