Renee Ayala Jones is my friend.  As a professional woman, she is a force to be reckoned with.  As an advocate for the unborn, nearly unstoppable.  I am grateful for her willingness to submit the following guest post.  We hope you enjoy it.

I guess by now, everyone has heard about the guy that put a billboard up with the outline of him holding a baby that is accusing his ex-girlfriend of aborting their baby. Her friends are now rallying around her saying that it was a miscarriage (wouldn’t the father have been notified of this fact?), but, who am I to be skeptical? This whole event speaks to a broader issue—-that of Father’s rights of their unborn children.

Rarely are the father’s rights discussed or even mentioned and I, as a woman, shout “UNFAIR!” Come on, it takes “two to tango” and two to make a baby; that new life, a brand new blip on the radar in the universe that just perhaps could make a difference in the human race as a whole! But, although the father-to-be has responsibility to the unborn baby, he has no rights in regards to the decision making whether the child lives or dies while inside the mother’s body!

Let’s put this in perspective. When I was 18 the guys my age were being drafted into the war (responsibility), but they couldn’t vote or drink (privilege). Everyone began screaming, “if we have the responsibility to serve & die for our country, we should be able to voice our opinion in how our country is run!” This seems reasonable, I think everyone would agree.

So when does the screaming start over Father’s rights? This whole issue of the “Mother’s right to choose what happens with her own body” reminds me of preschool. “I don’t want this toy but I don’t want you to have it either, so I’m gonna put it away so you can’t play with it” Are you starting to get the picture? It’s like saying, “I don’t want it, but you can’t have it either.”

But this is a baby we’re talking about not a toy doll or stuffed animal but a real, living, viable, tiny baby that God created. It is simply trying it’s best to develop and grow into a little person that will one day breathe on its own, eat, look around at the world, learn to walk, ride a bike and drive. And hopefully it will grow up to be a productive member of society enjoying all of the happiness that life on this earth has to offer; even having a family of their own.

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About Jeremy Dys

Jeremy Dys is the FPCWV's President and General Counsel. In addition to his duties of providing strategic vision and leadership to the FPCWV, Dys is the chief lobbyist and spokesman. Dys is regularly featured in local, state, and national print, radio, and television outlets. He lives close to Charleston with his wife and growing family.

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Have you ever thought how you might describe an intimate and serious surgery?

One young woman has done just that in regards to abortion.  In an admittedly “glib” and often foul description, this young woman recounts her experience in getting pregnant, choosing to abort, and recovering from it.  In the process, she ranges from outright anger, to internal turmoil resulting in hours of tears, post-op pain, and, finally, what looks like moral justification.

As I read it, I was stunned by the honesty of the post.  Putting aside for the moment the usual sound bites we hear about abortion, here was a woman writing of her experience in a way that says, “I need to write this.  I need to process what just happened.”  In her words:

There’s a reason I’m sharing this story with you: politically, the rights of women are being chipped at, again and again. Other people are dictating how people’s lives should be lived. So I figured, the best way to showcase what these rights mean is to tell the real story of a woman who has actually gone through this situation. I apologize in advance if I come off as glib. It was a stressful situation, and the way I deal with things is with humor. This is the first time I’ve ever written this out before.

After discovering “a fetus growing inside” of her, she reaches out to her sister and mother.  At least one encourages her to call the dad, but there is not admission that she did.  While both mom and sister offer support, neither appear to offer support for keeping the child.

While it may be difficult, I encourage you to read her description of the procedure itself.  Her words are laced with fear and undertones of regret and pain that she attempts to mask with acerbic humor.  As I read it, I could not help but pray for her knowing that all is not even now whole with this young lady.

Here is how she concludes in a way that sounds more like she is on the psychologist’s couch than writing a letter to a friend:

That was 2010 in a nutshell. I spent a lot of time being angry, pondering if I made the right decision, trying to imagine how a baby would fit into my life now, trying to think if I can handle the academic rigors of going to grad school.

When I consider it though, ultimately, I made the right decision. I love children and someday want to have a child. But I want to give that child opportunity, and love, and all the chances that having a baby right now, by myself, with no financial security or even situational security, would never have. To me, it was the only responsible thing, and the kindest thing, that I could do.

I never really gave consideration to adoption because I didn’t want to go through all of the rigors of pregnancy and give up the baby at the end. I also feared that I would change my mind, and do the child a disservice by trying to keep it, or that the baby would never be adopted because I am a person of color, and people of color don’t always have the best luck in foster care, or that I’d lose my job by having to go on maternity leave to recover.

I may be wrong, but I have the political right, and the moral right, to make that decision for myself. I know I’m lucky as hell to live in an urban area with medical providers who know how to provide these services, and the right to access them.

It was hard as hell to do, and live through, even with my liberal mindset and luckiness in location. When you consider the conflicting emotions a woman has to go through in this situation already, without factoring in the political and moral debate/posturing that goes on, you know it’s not something any person goes into lightly. It’s a serious decision, and I’m better off having made the choice I did, but I wouldn’t wish this situation on anyone.

Did you notice something in that second paragraph?  In describing getting pregnant, choosing the abortion, and then having it, this young woman refers to the child as, “a fetus” repeatedly, even going as far as suggesting that it might be, “a theoretical child.”  But, in her final analysis, as she reflects on what has happened – after it has happened – and as she tries desperately to morally process it, she calls it, “a baby” and “a child.”

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About Jeremy Dys

Jeremy Dys is the FPCWV's President and General Counsel. In addition to his duties of providing strategic vision and leadership to the FPCWV, Dys is the chief lobbyist and spokesman. Dys is regularly featured in local, state, and national print, radio, and television outlets. He lives close to Charleston with his wife and growing family.

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