By Nathan A. Cherry

Eph. 5:22, I Pet. 3:1-7

Gender Roles Defined According to Scripture: Within the principles of Biblical gender roles are two key aspects that must be properly understood. For men it is the aspect of headship, and for women it is the aspect of submission. Only with a true and proper understanding of these two key aspects can a lasting partnership take place in marriage.

Women: Submission: The idea of submission has been completely distorted by society and culture. The negative connotations the word carries causes anger wherever it is dared mentioned. But biblical submission is a far cry from the worldly understanding. It is true that submission on the part of a wife is a biblical command free of qualifiers that must be obeyed. However, lack of knowledge and proper teaching of what exactly biblical submission is has caused confusion and fear.

Biblical submission is first and foremost obedience to God. Because the command to submit is plainly given in Scripture it must be followed in order for a woman to be in obedience to God. Scripture makes it clear that a woman’s submission is “as to the Lord” (Eph. 5:22, Col. 3:18). Second, submission is an attitude more than just a series of acts. In order to submit “as to the Lord” and be in compliance with Scripture there must be a proper attitude of respect and acknowledgement of the husband’s role as head of the family. Without these it is entirely possible to submit in action and be disobedient and rebellious in attitude; in which case true submission has not taken place. An attitude of respectful acknowledgement of the husband’s headship in the family is central to a wife’s submission or a root of bitterness and resentment can spring up.

Many excuses from the husband’s worth to a lack of trust, or a woman’s personal fear, pride, even willful defiance keep women from properly submitting to their husbands leadership. None of these excuses are justified by Scripture. It is notable that the command to submit has no qualifiers. Scripture simply says it is a woman’s responsibility to submit. It is also imperative to understand that a woman’s submission is “as to the Lord.” Or, in other words, when she submits she is obeying and pleasing to God. When she refuses to submit she is disobeying and rebelling against God; the only exception is if asked to sin (in such a case a woman is justified in refusing to comply). Submission is truly a source of inner beauty.

Men: Headship: Biblical headship is not chauvinistic, sexist, or Neanderthal. Biblical headship is an acceptance of the role and responsibility God has placed upon a man and the effort to properly carry it out and be a biblical man/husband/father. A man that truly understands what it means to be the head of his family and home has a biblical ideal that is contrary to what society and culture portray.

It’s no accident that men are commanded no less than six times to love their wives (Eph. 5:22-33). It’s fascinating to consider that men and women are commanded to do what does not come natural (i.e. submit and love). Men are not overly emotional and no doubt must learn how to properly love their wives. So this command is not arbitrary but a very specific and pointed commentary on an area of weakness. Nonetheless our love must be cultivated in order to exercise proper loving headship. It is also insightful that Paul equates loving our wives with loving ourselves (Eph. 5:28-30), highlighting a natural tendency toward selfishness on the part of men that can easily become a barrier to loving headship. Just as respect is an integral part of submission, so love is an integral part of headship that seeks to live in such a way so as to place the needs of the wife ahead of self.

A very real danger is headship without love. Much emotional, mental, and spiritual damage can occur when there is no love involved in a man’s headship. A man may become selfish, demanding, domineering, abusive, negligent, harsh, or tyrannical without the essential element of love. So it is of utmost importance for a man to cultivate love in the leading of his family.

Conversely, if a man exercises loving headship over his wife and family he will remove many of their fears and see them respect him as their leader. His wife and family will learn to trust in him and know for certain that what he does is for their good and benefit because he has proven himself time and again. A man must never refuse his responsibility to lead his wife and family for any reason, cultural or otherwise. It is just as much his obligation to lead as it is his wife’s to submit. His refusal to lead could place his wife in a spot not intended for her, in which case, both husband and wife fail for one reason or another. So it is imperative that every man accept the responsibility that God has given him to lead with love.

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